Ọrịa Mpụ Ndị Nne na Nna: Amanyela ụmụ gị ịhọrọ

Mgbe anyị ekewa na onye òtù ọlụlụ, agụụ mmekọahụ na-ewe iwe na mkpụrụ obi anyị. Ya mere, ọ dị mkpa karịsịa ịṅa ntị n'okwu na omume nke gị ka ị ghara imerụ ụmụaka ahụ. A sị ka e kwuwe, ọ bụrụ na agha dị n'etiti ndị okenye, ọ bụghị nanị na ha na-ata ahụhụ site na ya, kamakwa ụmụ ha nkịtị.

N'akụkụ onye ka ị nọ?

The term parental alienation syndrome was coined by child psychiatrist Richard Gardner. The syndrome is characterized by a special state in which children plunge during a conflict between parents, when they are forced to «choose» which side to take. This condition is experienced by children whose mothers and fathers do not allow the second parent to participate in the child’s life or severely limit communication between family members.

The child begins to experience rejection in relation to the parent from whom he is separated. He can get angry, declare his unwillingness to see his mom or dad — and do it absolutely sincerely, even if he previously loved this parent very much.

Let’s make a reservation: we are not talking about such relationships in which there was violence in any form — physical, psychological, economic. But we may suspect that a child is experiencing parental alienation if his negative feelings are not caused by his experience.

Anyị na-ekwu maka ọrịa nkewapụ nne na nna ma ọ bụrụ na nwatakịrị na-agbasa ozi nke nne na nna ya na ya na-anọgide, na-ajụ onye na-abụghị akụkụ nke ezinụlọ. Nwatakịrị na-aghọ ngwá ọrụ iji megwara onye òtù ọlụlụ ma ọ bụrụ na e nweghị ezi ihe mere a ga-eji gbochie nkwurịta okwu ya na nne ma ọ bụ nna nke abụọ, na tupu ịgba alụkwaghịm, e nwere mmekọrịta ịhụnanya na obi ọmịiko n'etiti ndị òtù ezinụlọ.

“Papa mesoro m ihe ọjọọ, n’ihi ya, achọghị m ịhụ ya” bụ echiche nwa ahụ n’onwe ya. “Mama na-ekwu na papa m dị njọ, ọ hụghịkwa m n'anya” bụ echiche nne ma ọ bụ nna. Na n'ebe dị anya mgbe niile, ozi ndị dị otú ahụ bụ nchegbu maka mmetụta nke nwatakịrị ahụ.

“It is important to understand that it is extremely difficult for a child in general when his parents swear or quarrel. And if one turns him against the other, the situation is much more difficult, says clinical psychologist and Gestalt therapist Inga Kulikova. — The child feels a strong emotional stress. It can be expressed in different ways, including in the form of aggression, irritation, resentment against one of the parents, or both. And these feelings will be manifested in the address of the parent with whom it is safer to present them. Most often, this is the adult who is present in the life of the child episodically or does not take part in it at all.

Ka anyị kwuo banyere mmetụta

What does it feel like for a child who has experienced the effects of Parental Alienation Syndrome? “When the rejection of one of the parents is nurtured in a child, he experiences a serious internal conflict,” says Inga Kulikova. — On the one hand, there is a significant adult with whom relationships and affection are formed. The one he loves and the one who loves him.

N'aka nke ọzọ, nke abụọ dị ịrịba ama okenye, ọ dịghị obere hụrụ n'anya, ma onye nwere àgwà na-adịghị mma n'ebe ọ bụbu onye òtù ọlụlụ, na-egbochi nkwurịta okwu na ya. Ọ na-esiri nwatakịrị ike n'ọnọdụ dị otú ahụ. Ọ maghị onye ọ ga-esonye, ​​ka ọ ga-esi bụrụ, otu esi eme omume na, ya mere, na-anọgide na-enweghị nkwado, naanị ya na ahụmahụ ya.

Ọ bụrụ na ezinụlọ ahụ agbasaghị site na nkwenye ọnụ, na nkewa ahụ bu ụzọ na-ese okwu na asịrị, ọ dịghị mfe maka ndị okenye izochi mmetụta ọjọọ ha n'ebe ibe ha nọ. Mgbe ụfọdụ, nne ma ọ bụ nna ya na nwa ya na-ebi na-ahọrọ ka ọ ghara ịla azụ na, n'eziokwu, na-enyefe nwa ahụ ọrụ nke onye ọkà n'akparamàgwà mmadụ ma ọ bụ enyi nwanyị, na-awụsa ya ihe mgbu na iwe ya niile. Ọ bụ ihe na-agaghị ekwe omume ime nke a, n'ihi na ibu dị otú ahụ karịrị ike ụmụaka.

"N'ọnọdụ dị otú ahụ, nwatakịrị ahụ na-enwe mgbagwoju anya: n'otu aka, ọ hụrụ nne na nna ya n'anya, chọrọ imere ya ebere. Ma ọ hụkwara nne na nna nke abụọ n'anya! Ma ọ bụrụ na nwatakịrị ahụ ewere ọnọdụ na-anọpụ iche, na onye okenye nke ya na ya na-ebi adịghị amasị ya, mgbe ahụ, obere njide nke ọnọdụ ahụ nwere ike inwe mmetụta nke obi amamikpe, na-eche dị ka onye sabo, "ka Inga Kulikova na-ekwu.

Ụmụaka nwere oke nchekwa, mana nke ọ bụla bụ n'otu n'otu. Ma ọ bụrụ na otu nwatakịrị nwere ike imeri ihe isi ike na obere mfu, mgbe ahụ, ha nwere ike imetụta ọnọdụ nke onye ọzọ n'ụzọ kachasị njọ.

“Children may react differently to what is happening: someone is sad and sad, starting to get sick and catch a cold often, someone feels guilty and directs all aggression towards himself, which can lead to symptoms of depression and even suicidal thoughts,” warns expert. — Some children withdraw into themselves, stop communicating with their parents and friends. Others, on the contrary, express their inner tension in the form of aggression, irritation, behavioral disorders, which, in turn, leads to a decrease in academic performance, conflicts with peers, teachers and parents.

enyemaka nwa oge

Dị ka echiche Gardner si kwuo, e nwere ihe dị iche iche na-emetụta ma ọrịa ịjụjụ ndị nne na nna ga-apụta ìhè. Ọ bụrụ na nne ma ọ bụ nna a hapụrụ nwa ahụ na-ekwo ekworo nke ukwuu n'ihi di ya mbụ, na-eweso ya iwe ma na-ekwu maka ya n'olu dara ụda, ọ ga-abụ na ụmụaka ga-esonyere mmetụta ndị a.

Mgbe ụfọdụ nwatakịrị ahụ na-amalite itinye aka na-arụsi ọrụ ike n'ịmepụta ihe na-adịghị mma nke nne ma ọ bụ nna. Ma gịnị bụ usoro echiche nke na-eme ka nwatakịrị hụrụ ma nne ma nna ya nke ukwuu soro otu nne ma ọ bụ nna na-emegide ibe ya?

“When parents quarrel or, moreover, get divorced, the child feels strong anxiety, fear and internal emotional stress,” says Inga Kulikova. — The usual state of affairs has changed, and this is stressful for all family members, especially for a child.

He may feel guilty about what happened. May be angry or resentful of a parent who left. And if, at the same time, the parent who stayed with the child begins to criticize and condemn the other, to expose him in a negative light, then it becomes even more difficult for the child to live through the breakup of the parents. All his senses intensify and sharpen.»

The situation of divorce, separation of parents makes the child feel powerless, which is difficult for him to accept and come to terms with the fact that he cannot influence what is happening in any way. And when children take the side of one of the adults — usually those with whom they live — it becomes easier for them to put up with the situation.

“Combining with one of the parents, the child feels more secure. So he gets a legal opportunity to openly be angry at the «alienated» parent. But this relief is temporary, since his feelings are not processed and integrated as an experienced experience, ”the psychologist warns.

N'ezie, ọ bụghị ụmụaka niile na-anabata iwu egwuregwu a. Ọ bụrụgodị na okwu ha na omume ha na-ekwu banyere iguzosi ike n'ihe nye ndị mụrụ ha, mmetụta na echiche ha adịghị ekwekọ mgbe nile n'ihe ha na-ekwupụta. Inga Kulikova na-akọwa, sị: “Ka nwatakịrị ahụ na-etolite, ọ na-adịrị ya mfe karị idebe echiche ya, n'agbanyeghị na otu n'ime ndị nne na nna na-agbasa echiche na-adịghị mma n'ebe ibe ya nọ. "N'ịgbakwụnye, ụmụaka nwere ike ịmalite ime ihe ike n'ebe nne na nna na-ekwu okwu ọjọọ banyere onye ọzọ ma gbochie ya ịkparịta ụka."

Ọ gaghị adị njọ?

Many parents who have been banned from seeing their children give up and stop fighting to keep in touch with their children. Sometimes such mothers and fathers motivate their decision by the fact that the conflict between parents will have a bad effect on the child’s psyche — they say that they «protect the feelings of the child.»

Ọrụ dị aṅaa na mmepe nke ọnọdụ ka eziokwu ahụ bụ́ na nne na nna na-apụ n'anya na radar ma ọ bụ na-apụta nnọọ na ọ na-adịkarị ụkọ n'ihe banyere ụmụaka? Ọ na-esi n’omume ya gosi na ha ‘na-eche’ na nne na nna ha bụ “ihe ọjọọ”?

“If an alienated parent rarely sees his child, this aggravates the situation,” Inga Kulikova emphasizes. — The child may perceive this as a rejection, feel guilty or angry with an adult. After all, children tend to think a lot, to fantasize. Unfortunately, often parents do not know what exactly the child fantasizes about, how he perceives this or that situation. It would be nice to talk to him about it.»

Kedu ihe ị ga-eme ma ọ bụrụ na nne na nna nke abụọ ajụ kpamkpam ịhapụ ụmụaka ka ha na onye mbụ ha na-emebu gaa, ọbụna ruo awa ole na ole? "N'ọnọdụ siri ike, mgbe otu n'ime ndị mmekọ na-enwe mmetụta na-adịghị mma n'ebe ibe ya nọ, ọ nwere ike ịba uru ka ọ kwụsịtụ obere oge," ọkà n'akparamàgwà mmadụ kwenyere. “Laghachi azụ ma ọ dịkarịa ala ụbọchị ole na ole, pụọ ntakịrị ka mmetụta uche daa. Mgbe nke ahụ gasịrị, ị nwere ike ịmalite iji nwayọọ nwayọọ wuo kọntaktị ọhụrụ. N'agbanyeghị otú ọ nwere ike isi sie ike, ịkwesịrị ịgbalị ka gị na onye nke abụọ kwurịta okwu, kọwaa ebe dị anya nke dabara na abụọ ahụ, ma nọgide na-ekwurịta okwu na nwa ahụ. N'otu oge ahụ, gbalịa ka ị ghara ileghara onye òtù ọlụlụ mbụ na ahụmahụ ya anya, ma ọ bụghị nke a nwere ike ime ka esemokwu ahụ ka njọ ma mee ka ọnọdụ ahụ dịkwuo njọ.

N'etiti mụ na gị

Ọtụtụ ụmụaka toro eto bụ́ ndị mama ha na papa ha na-enweghị ike ịchọta asụsụ ha na-asụ mgbe ha gbasịrị alụkwaghịm na-echeta otú nne na nna nke abụọ si gbalịa ka ha na ha kparịta ụka mgbe onye nke ọzọ na-eleghị anya. Ha na-echetakwa obi amamikpe n’ihu ndị ha na ha bi. Na ibu nke idebe ihe nzuzo…

“There are situations when an alienated parent secretly seeks meetings with children, comes to their kindergarten or school,” says Inga Kulikova. — This can have a bad effect on the psycho-emotional state of the child, as he finds himself between two fires. He wants to see one parent — and at the same time will have to hide it from the other.

Meere onwe gị ebere

N'oké iwe na obi nkoropụ site n'eziokwu ahụ bụ na a naghị ekwe ka anyị na ndị anyị na ndị anyị hụrụ n'anya na-ekwurịta okwu, anyị nwere ike ikwu ihe ndị anyị ga-emecha kwaakwa ụta. “Ọ bụ ihe na-anwa anwa onye toro eto ịgbalị iso nwa ahụ na-emekọ ihe megide nne ma ọ bụ nna nke ọzọ, na-ekwe ka o kwuo okwu na-adịghị mma ma bo ya ebubo. Ozi a ga-ebufekwa psyche nwa ahụ ma kpata mmetụta na-adịghị mma,” Inga Kulikova na-ekwu.

Ma gịnị ka anyị ga-aza ma ọ bụrụ na nwatakịrị ahụ ajụọ ajụjụ ndị tara akpụ bụ́ ndị anyị onwe anyị na-apụghị ịchọta azịza ha? "Ọ ga-abụ ihe kwesịrị ekwesị igosi na e nwere mmekọrịta siri ike na nke siri ike n'etiti ndị nne na nna, ọ na-ewekwa oge iji chọpụta ya, nke a bụkwa ọrụ dịịrị ndị toro eto. N'otu oge ahụ, ekwesịrị iburu n'uche na ịhụnanya na mmetụta ịhụnanya maka nwa ahụ ka dị, ọ ka dị mkpa ma dị mkpa maka ma nne na nna, "ka ọkachamara na-ekwu.

Ọ bụrụ n'ihi ihe dị iche iche, ị nweghị ike ịkpọtụrụ ụmụaka ma na-ata ahụhụ site na nke a, ị gaghị eche na mmetụta gị erughị eru nlebara anya. Ikekwe ilekọta onwe gị bụ ihe kacha mma i nwere ike ime ugbu a. “Ọ dị mkpa ka nne ma ọ bụ nna na-ekweghị ka ya na nwa ya na-ekwurịta okwu ka ọ nọgide na-abụ onye toro eto. Ma nke a pụtara ịghọta na mmetụta ọjọọ nwatakịrị ahụ nwere n'ebe ọ nọ nwere ike ịkpata ọnọdụ nhụjuanya.

Ọ bụrụ na ị na-echegbu onwe gị, ị ga-akpọtụrụ onye ọkà n'akparamàgwà mmadụ maka enyemaka. Onye ọkachamara nwere ike ịkwado, nyere aka ịghọta mmetụta siri ike, bie ndụ ha. Na, nke kachasị mkpa, chọpụta nke n'ime mmetụta ndị a ị nwere maka nwa ahụ, nke maka onye ọlụlụ mbụ, nke maka ọnọdụ ahụ n'ozuzu ya. A sị ka e kwuwe, ọ na-abụkarị bọl nke mmetụta na ahụmahụ dị iche iche. Ma ọ bụrụ na ị kpughee ya, ọ ga-adịrị gị mfe," Inga Kulikova kwubiri.

Na-arụ ọrụ na onye ọkà n'akparamàgwà mmadụ, ị nwekwara ike ịmụta otú ị ga-esi na-ekwurịta okwu na nwa ahụ na nne na nna nke abụọ nke ọma, mara ihe na-adịghị ahụkebe, ma dị irè atụmatụ maka nkwurịta okwu na omume.