Otu esi mara na ị dịla njikere ịmụ nwa

Tomorrow? Next week? Six months later? Or maybe right now? We go through the questions in our mind and discuss them with our partner, hoping that this will bring clarity. Relatives add fuel to the fire with advice: “You have everything, so what are you waiting for?” On the other hand, «you are still young, why hurry.»

Ọ nwere oge "ezigbo" mgbe ndụ gị na-aga na elekere, ị juputara na ume, hụrụ n'anya ma dị njikere imeju? Maka ụfọdụ, nke a pụtara nanị ige onwe gị ntị. Onye, n'ụzọ megidere nke ahụ, anaghị atụkwasị obi na mmetụta uche ma na-achọ iche echiche site na obere ihe ọ bụla. Gịnịkwa ka ndị ọkachamara kwuru?

Why now? Am I doing this for «reasonable» reasons?

Onye na-ahụ maka ọgwụgwọ ezinụlọ bụ Helen Lefkowitz na-atụ aro ịmalite site na ajụjụ bụ isi: ọ na-adị gị mma ugbu a? Ihe ị na-eme ọ̀ juru gị afọ? Ị nwere ike ịsị na ndụ gị (n'ozuzu) masịrị gị?

“Remember that parenthood is a test, and all the regrets and doubts smoldering in your soul can flare up with renewed vigor,” she warns. — It is worse when a woman seeks to have a child for some extraneous reason. For example, she could not make a career, she is bored with life. Worse, some women resort to pregnancy as a last resort to salvage a failed marriage.”

Kedu ụzọ ọ bụla, ọ ga-adịrị gị mfe ịkwado ịkwado onye ọzọ mgbe gị onwe gị nwere obi ụtọ na onwe gị, ndụ gị, na onye òtù ọlụlụ gị. Carol Lieber Wilkins, bụ́ onye ndụmọdụ ezinụlọ kwuru, sị: “Dị ka otu onye ahịa m si kwuo, “Achọrọ m ịhụ onwe m na onye m kasị hụ n'anya n'ime nwa anyị dị ka ngwakọta nke anyị abụọ.

Ị dịla njikere maka nkwekọrịta nke ga-eso nne na nna na ọbụna tupu mgbe ahụ? "Ị dị njikere ịzụ ahịa nnwere onwe na nnwere onwe maka nhazi na nhazi? Ọ bụrụ na ị na-adị mfe ịga n'ihu, ị̀ dịla njikere irubere gị isi n'ọrụ dị n'ụlọ? Carol Wilkins kwuru. "Ọ bụ ezie na ime atụmatụ maka nwatakịrị na-agụnyekarị iche echiche banyere oge ị bụ nwata, cheta na nke a bụkwa ọkwa ọhụrụ nye gị dịka okenye."

Onye mmekọ m ọ dịla njikere maka nke a?

Sometimes when one of the two hits the gas a little and the other brakes a little, they can reach a pace that works for both. “It is important that a partner who feels more confident knows how to listen to the other and is sympathetic to his concerns and comments,” says psychotherapist Rosalyn Blogier. «Sometimes it’s helpful to talk to close friends who already have kids to find out how they’ve handled issues — like arranging their schedules.»

Blogier kwuru, sị: “Ndị di na nwunye m na-echegbukarị onwe ha bụ ndị na-ekwuchaghị banyere ịmụ nwa tupu ha alụọ di ma ọ bụ nwunye ma chọpụta na otu onye chọrọ ịbụ nne ma ọ bụ nna ma onye nke ọzọ achọghị.

Ọ bụrụ na ị maara na onye gị na ya chọrọ ịmụ nwa mana ọ dịbeghị njikere maka ya, ọ bara uru ịchọpụta ihe na-egbochi ha. Ikekwe ọ na-atụ egwu ịghara ịnagide ibu ọrụ: ọ bụrụ na ị na-eme atụmatụ ịhapụ ezumike nne na nna, ibu dum nke ịkwado ezinụlọ nwere ike ịdakwasị ya. Ma ọ bụ ikekwe ya na nna ya na-enwe mmekọrịta siri ike, ọ ga-emeghachikwa ihe o mejọrọ.

Mara na ọ pụrụ ịbụ ihe ọhụrụ ka onye òtù ọlụlụ ịkọrọ nwatakịrị ịhụnanya, ịhụnanya na nlebara anya ya. Nke ọ bụla n'ime nsogbu ndị a nwere ike ịbụ oge mkparịta ụka n'ezoghị ọnụ. Ọ bụrụ na ị chere na ọ dị mkpa, kpọtụrụ onye na-ahụ maka ọgwụgwọ ị maara ma ọ bụ ọgwụgwọ otu di na nwunye. Emela ihere maka obi abụọ gị, mana ebulikwala ha ọnụ. Cheta: mgbe ọdịnihu ga-akpụzi, bụrụ ihe a na-ahụ anya na nke a na-ahụ anya, egwu na-apụ. A na-ejikwa atụmanya dochie ya.

Ọ nwere ihe mere ị ga-eji egbu oge?

Some couples may be concerned about financial or career security. You may be asking questions such as «Should we wait until we can buy a house and settle down?» Or it might seem strange to you: “Maybe we should wait until I start teaching, then I will have more time and energy to devote to the child.” Or, “Maybe we should wait until we save enough money so I have more time and energy.”

N'aka nke ọzọ, o doro anya na ọtụtụ ndị di na nwunye na-enwe nchegbu banyere ọmụmụ ha. O nwere ike ịbụ na ị hụla ndị enyi gị ma ọ bụ ndị enyi gị na-agbalị ịtụrụ ime ruo ọtụtụ afọ, na-enweta ọgwụgwọ ọmụmụ na-adịghị agwụ agwụ, na-akwa arịrị ihe mere na ha anaghị elekọta ya ngwa ngwa.

N'ụzọ dị mwute, ụfọdụ na-eleghara ajụjụ bụ isi kwesịrị ịṅa ntị na: mmekọrịta anyị ọ dịla njikere maka nke a? Nhọrọ kacha mma bụ mgbe di na nwunye na-ewepụta oge iji nwalee mmetụta ha ka ha wee nwee ike ịmalite ịbụ nne ma ọ bụ nna n'echeghị na a na-achụ ụfọdụ akụkụ dị mkpa nke mmekọrịta ha n'àjà.

Ebe ọ bụ na ọtụtụ n'ime ịzụ ụmụ anyị nwere nghọta, ọ bara uru, ma ọ bụrụ na ọ dịghị mkpa, iche na mmekọrịta ahụ nwere ntọala siri ike.

Imagine what it would be like to share your personal time not only with a partner, but also with someone else. And not just with someone — with someone who requires your attention around the clock.

If your relationship gets bogged down in arguments about «fairness» and «sharing of responsibility», you still need to work on it a little. Think about this: if you’re arguing about whose turn it is to hang out the laundry from the washing machine or take the garbage to the landfill, can you be a «team» when you’ve been up all night and the babysitter has canceled, and on your way to your parents you discover that you’re out of diapers.

Olee otú i si mara na ị ga-abụ ezigbo nne na nna?

Anyị na-ebi n'ime ọha mmadụ nke na-eme ka ọ bụrụ nne na nna ma na-eme ka ndị di na nwunye na-achọsi ike mgbe ụfọdụ ka ha bụrụ ndị na-ahụ n'anya na ndị na-achọsi ike, na-aga n'ihu ma na-akpachapụ anya, haziri ahazi ma na-emeghe maka nnwale.

Walk into any bookstore and you’ll see shelves full of parenting manuals ranging from «how to raise a genius» to «how to deal with a rebellious teenager.» It is not surprising that partners may feel «unfit» for such a serious task in advance.

Ọ dịghị onye ọ bụla n'ime anyị a mụrụ nke ọma maka ịbụ nne na nna. Dịka ọ dị na mbọ ndụ ọ bụla ọzọ, ebe a anyị nwere ike na adịghị ike. Ihe dị mkpa bụ ịkwụwa aka ọtọ na ịnakwere mmetụta dịgasị iche iche, site na ambivalence, iwe na nkụda mmụọ na ọṅụ, mpako na afọ ojuju.

Kedu otu esi akwadebe onwe gị maka mgbanwe ndị ị na-achọ ihu?

Ime ime na ịmụ nwa bụ mgbe niile "nyocha na ike". Ya mere, n'ụzọ ụfọdụ, ị gaghị adị njikere maka ya. Otú ọ dị, ọ bụrụ na ị nwere obi abụọ banyere ihe, ị kwesịrị gị na onye òtù ọlụlụ gị kwurịta ya. Ọnụ, ị ga-ekpebi otú tandem gị ga-esi arụ ọrụ, n'ihi mmepe dị iche iche. Ime ime nwere ike isi ike, mana ị nwere ike iche ụzọ ị ga-esi mee ka ndụ dịrị onwe gị mfe.

Ị ga-atụle ma ịchọrọ ịgwa ndị enyi na ndị ezinụlọ gị na ị na-achọ ịmụ nwa, ma ọ bụ chere ruo ọgwụgwụ nke mbụ trimester, dịka ọmụmaatụ, na akụkọ. N'ime ogologo oge, ị ga-atụle ma ị nwere ike inye mmadụ ka ya na nwatakịrị nọrọ n'ụlọ, ma ọ bụ na ị ga-eji ọrụ onye nlekọta nwa.

Ma ọbụna atụmatụ kachasị mma nwere ike ịgbanwe. Isi ihe ebe a bụ ịghọta ebe onyinye na mmasị na-akwụsị na iwu siri ike na-amalite. N'ikpeazụ, ị na-eme atụmatụ ijikọ ndụ gị na onye ọbịbịa zuru oke. Nke ahụ bụ ihe ịbụ nne na nna bụ: nnukwu mmụba nke okwukwe. Ma ọtụtụ ndị na-eji ọṅụ eme ya.