Parents don’t talk much more than they used to. The subject remains for them always embarrassing to broach. To be supported, they do not turn to sexologists or psychologists but rather to their network to have ideas between parents or the attending physician. Yet a useful dialogue that allows prevention and education.

“Parents don’t talk much more than they used to. The subject remains for them always embarrassing to approach ”. To be supported, they do not turn to sexologists or psychologists but rather to their network to have ideas between parents or the attending physician. Yet a useful dialogue that allows prevention and education.

Caroline Belet Poupeney, psychologist specializing in children and adolescents, differentiates the information to be privileged with young girls and young boys.

“Young girls tend to want to please their boyfriend. They must be reminded that their body is theirs and that she must feel ready. It’s up to her to want and make the decision. If their lover is too pushy, it’s disrespectful. It is important to bring up the subject as soon as the parents see an identified, serious relationship. And even before ”.

Often young girls are already taking the pill for various reasons: regular periods, acne, etc. So the discussion of the risks of unwanted pregnancy does not always coincide with taking the pill.

“But it is not always easy for parents to know if their child has an ongoing relationship since adolescents compartmentalize their private and family life”. explains Caroline Belet Poupeney.

For boys, it is important to ask them if they have watched pornographic movies. If so, parents should make it clear to them that what they saw is very different from “normal” sex.

In the films, feelings, love, respect for women are not present. And yet this is the essence of any relationship.

Performance, strength, imaginary scenarios are not part of a fulfilling and healthy sexual relationship. Listening to your partner and respecting her are the keys to a harmonious relationship.

Boys tend to think about performance: how long to keep erect, what Kâma-Sutra positions they are going to attempt, how many girls they have slept with. From the outset, they consider sexuality with others or in a group.

These media acclaimed practices have nothing to do with love. You have to talk to them about the beating heart, emotions, warmth, gentleness, slowness. You have to take your time and be in good conditions.

Gynecologists are seeing more and more young girls without contraception resorting to abortion. We can therefore wonder about the information and sexual education that we received from these teenagers. For these young girls, this practice seems common.

Parents and National Education therefore have a real role to play in order to properly explain the difference between:

• prevention and use of condoms: which protect oneself and the partner from sexually transmitted diseases;
• contraception: taking a contraceptive method such as the pill, patch, IUD, hormonal implant;
• emergency contraception: with the morning-after pill. Each year in France, around one in ten women under 30 uses emergency contraception to avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy;
• abortion: voluntary termination of pregnancy (abortion) drug or instrumental.

Most sexual assaults are committed by people the child knows. It is therefore important to speak with your child in order to stay tuned. It is the parents who set the limits and indicate the rules. Certain behavior or gestures, even if done by close family members, should be clearly reprimanded or defended.

A big brother doesn’t have to masturbate or show pornographic movies to his little siblings. A grandfather doesn’t have to ask his granddaughter all the time to sit on his lap and hug her. A cousin has no right to touch his cousin, etc.

Without demonizing all the members of the family and plunging his child into fear, it is still useful to tell him that if he feels embarrassment towards an adult, he is in his right to say no, to walk away and talk about it.

They must be given clear and concise information. No need to talk about it for more than an hour. Adolescence is not the time to listen and have patience.

If the adolescent feels that his parent is dramatizing the relationship with sex, he risks locking himself up in silence and not trusting him. To avoid upsetting his parent or the family balance, the child then prefers to be silent.

If the parent was sexually abused as a child, they may be uncomfortable talking about the risks of abuse or panicked that it might start over with their own child. In this situation, a professional (sexologist, psychologist, social worker, doctor, parents’ school) can be of good help to accompany him in this dialogue.