Nyocha nke nnabata na ịdị irè nke ntaramahụhụ anụ ahụ

«I stood on a pea, and they beat me with a belt. My father prepared me for the flight service, so even during the holidays I had to get up at 8 in the morning and plow. All the children went for a swim, but I can’t go for kerosene, or weed the garden. Previously, I was very offended by my father, but now I say thank you — for accustoming me to work from childhood. I have never missed a workout in my life. And after all, just like now, the parents were at work all the time, and the children were left to their own devices. The street «took» them — I had a friend, we grew up together, but he ended up in prison … Anyway, everything comes from the family. I never heard my father swear. But I remember how he did exercises every morning … I was thin, only my ears stuck out, my neck was thin. Everyone felt sorry for me and was afraid that the puck would kill my throat. And when my grandson at the age of 5 announced that he would be a hockey player, I bought him a uniform, taught him how to skate (goalkeeper Maxim Tretyak is 15 years old, he is a silver medalist of the 2012 Youth Games. — Ed.). And I don’t feel sorry for Max. I can see that he is a fan just like me. The goalkeeper is a pain every day. To endure all this, hockey must be in the soul. Without devotion, without willingness to sacrifice, there is no success. We were driving from the training camp and watched from the windows of the team bus how people were kissing. They envied those who just go home from work, walk in the parks. And we have a regime — no birthdays, no holidays. But if I could live my life again, I would live it again with hockey. Because I’m a man crazy in love with him. And Maxim, thank God, I have the same — from an interview with AiF Vladislav Tretiak.

Position (J. Dobson Book «Do not be afraid to be strict») psychologist and American public figure:

“Parents should first of all clarify for themselves whether this or that undesirable act on the part of the child is a direct challenge to the authority, their parental authority. The measures they take should depend on the answer to this question.

Let us imagine, for example, that little Chris, having played pranks in the room, pushed the table and broke many expensive china cups and other utensils. Or suppose Wendy lost her bike or left her mother’s coffee pot out in the rain. This is all a manifestation of childish irresponsibility, and this is how they should be treated. Parents can leave these actions without consequences or force the child to somehow compensate for the damage done — this will depend, of course, on his age and degree of maturity.

At the same time, there is no direct call to parental authority in these actions. They do not stem from deliberate, malicious defiance and therefore should not result in serious disciplinary action. From my point of view, spanking (which we will discuss in more detail below) a child between the ages of one and a half to ten years should be done only if the oi defiantly declares to the parents: “I don’t want to!” or «Shut up!» For such manifestations of rebellious stubbornness, you must be ready to respond immediately. When there is a direct confrontation between you and your child, this is not the time to argue that obedience is a virtue. And this is not the case when he should be sent to the children’s room, where he will think alone. You should not postpone the punishment until the time when your tired spouse returns from work.

You have marked a certain boundary beyond which you must not go, and your child deliberately steps over it with his little pink foot. Who will prevail here? Who will have more courage? And who is responsible here? If you do not give your stubborn child convincing answers to these questions, he will not hesitate to engage you in new battles to raise the same problems again and again. This is the main paradox of childhood — children want to be led, but insist that parents earn the right to lead.

Assessing the acceptability and effectiveness of physical punishment is complex. First of all, it is important to determine the situation, the context.

Is it combat conditions or a peaceful family? School class or one-on-one? The age of the offender? The identity of the punisher? Do we have a situation of education or re-education? The task of systemic education or operational management of behavior?

Mild physical punishments may be acceptable, but harsh ones may not. From one adult, almost a reward is allowed, from another — an unacceptable insult, even when it’s for business. Men, as a rule, treat physical punishments with understanding, women usually protest sharply. Men are usually convinced that absolutely nothing will happen to children from a once pedagogical slap on the bottom, women are convinced that this is a direct road to psychotrauma. See →

Definitely not possible, definitely possible and necessary

Influencing physically with the aim of humiliating, inflicting injuries and inflicting pain is definitely unacceptable (except during military operations). It is possible and necessary to influence physically in order to stop the negative (aggression, hysteria) in a commensurate form, but each time it is necessary to understand.

Questions to help you figure it out:

• Does it solve a situational problem?
• Who is the punishing adult for the child? What is the attitude towards him, what is his status?
• How will the punishment be received? What is the risk of mental injury?
• What is the significance of the task (a trifle or is it a matter of life and death)?
• What are the long-term consequences (for example, disruption of contact with the caregiver)?
• Are there other options that are also acceptable, but not as dangerous?

Does it solve a situational problem?

If you think about it and understand that neither a threat nor physical punishment will solve the problem, then there is no point in punishing. If in fact they realized that physical punishment does not solve the problem, then stop punishing. The child steals, you punish — he continues to steal. This means that this does not work, and your further punishments are only a clearing of your conscience (here, I am not indifferent!), And not educative behavior.

If you slap a small child on the hand more intelligibly than long explanations, then you can talk to the child in his language.

Mom writes: “With a beating, she simply decided — she hit her hand painfully in response and said that mother is sacred, they don’t encroach on the sacred. Apparently, the combination of sounds in this word and a slap worked. Mom was no longer threatened. ” See →

Who is the punishing adult for the child? What is the attitude towards him, what is his status?

A cheerful, high-status history teacher beat his hands with a ruler when the students were distracted from the lesson with their hands — and everyone perceived it more as a reward. The attention of this teacher, even this, was a reward for the students. Another teacher at the same school tried to follow the same path — the students were offended, and the teacher had an unpleasant conversation from the headmaster. What is allowed to Jupiter is not allowed to the rest …

How will the punishment be received? What is the risk of mental injury?

If a child is accustomed (or taught himself) to be frightened of punishments, turns off his head during punishment and only shrinks, punishments are meaningless. He fought, you spanked painfully, and his body shrinks, his eyes are frightened and meaningless — cause harm, possibly inflict mental trauma, and the issue will remain unresolved. Therefore, it cannot be punished. See Physical punishment and mental injury.

Ma ọ bụrụ na ha mara mma, na nwa ahụ na-eti mkpu ọṅụ ma ghọta nke ọma, mgbe ahụ ọ dịghị ihe ọzọ ọ dịghị emerụ ahụ. Ajụjụ ọzọ bụ ka nke a si edozi nsogbu ahụ yana ma ọ ga-ekwe omume ịchọta ụdị dị iche iche nke mmetụta nkuzi.

In the film The Miracle Worker, teacher Annie Sullivan hit back when her pupil Helen Keller went hysterical, defending her right to tyrannize loved ones. Annie saw that Helen was quite cheerful, fighting for her power and mental trauma in this case does not threaten. See →

What is the significance of the task (a trifle or is it a matter of life and death)?

If the child ran across the road under the car and your only chance to stop him is to pull painfully on the hand, then it is better to pull than to look after the disabled person later.

What are the long-term consequences?

Disruption of contact with the teacher

Perhaps now you will stop the offensive and unfair remarks of your teenage daughter with a slap on the back of the head, but after that your contact will be broken for a long time, and what you could explain to her in a good way before (and she understood you), after this incident you will no longer be able to explain . They simply will not hear you, or even talk to you. And this is an undesirable option.

Unwanted patterns of behavior

If dad beats his son, saying: «I’ll show you how to beat children!», then, in fact, he shows this by his own example. It is not obvious that the result of such upbringing will necessarily be negative, but this must be taken into account. See →

Are there other options that are also acceptable, but not as dangerous?

If you can explain to a child that you shouldn’t throw bread at the table, then it’s more correct to explain, and not immediately hit the slap.

If a child can be taught to tie his shoelaces, then you don’t have to spank for untied shoelaces.

If a child can be taught to solve problems not by yelling and hysteria, but by normal conversation, then it is more correct to teach, and not to beat on the ass.