ọdịnaya
- 1. A partner who is dissatisfied with himself may try to fill the inner void with your help.
- 2. It is difficult to communicate with such a person.
- 3. He doesn’t take care of you.
- 4. You want to help your partner but feel powerless
- What to do if the partner is always dissatisfied with himself and does not think to change?
The Bible commandment says: «Love your neighbor as yourself.» But is it possible to build a happy relationship with a person who could not overcome childhood traumas and did not learn to love, appreciate and respect even himself? Why is a romance with a person with low self-esteem fraught with devastation and rupture?
Notorious, insecure, prone to harsh self-criticism … Some of us, especially those who have highly developed empathy and «savior syndrome», it seems that such people are the best objects for unspent love and tenderness, and it is with them that you can build long stable relationships. relationships based on gratitude and mutual support. But it is not always the case. And that’s why:
1. A partner who is dissatisfied with himself may try to fill the inner void with your help.
It’s nice at first—we love to be needed—but if it goes too far, it can become overly dependent on you. You will begin to subconsciously feel that he does not value you as a person, but what you can do for him: comfort, raise self-esteem, surround him with comfort.
2. It is difficult to communicate with such a person.
As a rule, he inadequately perceives words and sees a secret negative meaning in them, because he projects his dislike for himself onto you. You have to carefully monitor everything you say, or just withdraw into yourself, because any communication ends up being frustrating and ridiculous.
Partner refuses help when he obviously needs it
For example, a partner may perceive approval poorly, either by denying the praise (“No, I don’t understand anything about it”) or downplaying it (“This time I did it, but I’m not sure that I will succeed again”). It happens that he completely transfers the conversation to another topic (“Of course, but look How long better you do it!”).
3. He doesn’t take care of you.
The partner refuses help when he obviously needs it. He may feel unworthy of care and consider himself a burden in some areas of the relationship. A paradox, but at the same time, he literally harasses you with requests for other reasons. He demands help, you try to help, and he rejects this help. As a result, you feel guilty, inferior in the relationship.
4. You want to help your partner but feel powerless
When a loved one systematically humiliates and destroys himself, it turns into a constant source of pain for you. You spend time and energy to breathe new life into your partner, but he does not want to know about it and continues to self-flagellate.
What to do if the partner is always dissatisfied with himself and does not think to change?
If your relationship has been going on for a while, you are probably a very caring and patient person, which is a very good thing in itself. But you must not forget your own needs.
You can get satisfaction by helping your partner. If his complexes do not particularly bother you and you perceive them as a nice oddity, a quirk, there is nothing to worry about. But if you feel that you are sacrificing too much for your partner, that your efforts are going like water in the sand, and your own needs are now always in the background, something needs to change.
First of all, it is worth starting a dialogue and talking about your concern. Whatever you do, you must not allow your needs to be neglected and feel guilty for not being able to pull him out of the swamp. No matter How long you care about him, you are not responsible for him and his life.
About the author: Mark White is the dean of the Department of Philosophy at Staten Island College (USA), and a writer.