Gịnị mere anyị ji na-agụ ụfọdụ mmetụta ma na-eme ndị ọzọ ihere? Ọ bụrụ na anyị amụta ịnakwere ahụmịhe ọ bụla dị ka ihe mgbaàmà okike, anyị ga-aghọtakwu onwe anyị na ndị ọzọ.
«Do not worry». We hear this phrase since childhood from relatives, teachers and outsiders who see our concern. And we get the first instruction on how to treat negative emotions. Namely, they should be avoided. But why?
ajọ ndụmọdụ ọma
Ụzọ dị mma maka mmetụta uche na-egosi na ha niile dị mkpa maka nkwekọ nke uche. Mmetụta mmetụta bụ mgbama na-enye mgbaàmà: ọ dị ize ndụ ebe a, ọ dị mma n'ebe ahụ, ị nwere ike ime enyi na onye a, ma ọ ka mma ịkpachara anya. Ịmụta ịma banyere ha dị ezigbo mkpa nke na ọ bụ ihe na-eju anya ihe mere ụlọ akwụkwọ ahụ na-ewepụtabeghị usoro mmụta maka ịgụ ihe gbasara mmetụta uche.
What exactly is bad advice — «do not worry»? We say it with good intentions. We want to help. In fact, such help only leads a person away from understanding himself. Belief in the magical power of «don’t worry» is based on the idea that some emotions are unambiguously negative and should not be experienced.
Ị nwere ike nweta mmetụta dị iche iche na-emegiderịta onwe gị n'otu oge, nke a abụghịkwa ihe mere ị ga-eji nwee obi abụọ banyere ahụike uche gị.
Psychologist Peter Breggin, in his book Guilt, Shame, and Anxiety, teaches us to ignore what he calls «negatively trailed emotions.» As a psychiatrist, Breggin regularly sees people who blame themselves for everything, suffer from shame and worry forever.
N'ezie ọ chọrọ inyere ha aka. Nke a bụ nnọọ ọchịchọ mmadụ. Mana, na-anwa ikpochapụ mmetụta na-adịghị mma, Breggin wepụrụ ahụmịhe ahụ n'onwe ha.
Unyi n'ime, kpofuo ihe
When we divide emotions into strictly positive (and therefore desirable) and negative (unwanted) emotions, we find ourselves in a situation that programmers call «Garbage in, Garbage Out» (GIGO for short). If you enter the wrong line of code into a program, it will either not work or it will throw errors.
Ọnọdụ "ihe mkpofu, ihe mkpofu" na-eme mgbe anyị na-etinye ọtụtụ echiche na-ezighị ezi banyere mmetụta uche. Ọ bụrụ na ị nwere ha, o yikarịrị ka ị ga-enwe mgbagwoju anya banyere mmetụta gị na enweghị ikike mmetụta uche.
1. Akụkọ ifo nke valency nke mmetụta uche: mgbe anyị na-anọchite anya mmetụta ọ bụla n'ihe gbasara ma ọ dị ụtọ ma ọ bụ na-adịghị mma, ma ọ bụ ihe na-achọsi ike maka anyị ma ọ bụ na ọ bụghị.
2. Mgbochi na-arụ ọrụ na mmetụta uche: mgbe anyị kwenyere na ekwesịrị ịkwụsị ma ọ bụ gosipụta mmetụta. Anyị amaghị otú e si enyocha mmetụta nke na-ekpuchi anyị, anyị na-agbalịsikwa ike iwepụ ya ngwa ngwa o kwere mee.
3. Nleghara nke nuance: mgbe anyị na-aghọtaghị na onye ọ bụla mmetụta nwere ọtụtụ gradations nke ike. Ọ bụrụ na anyị ewere ọrụ ọhụrụ iwe anyị, nke a apụtaghị na anyị mere mkpebi na-ezighị ezi nakwa na anyị kwesịrị ịkwụsị ozugbo.
4.Simplification: mgbe anyị na-aghọtaghị na ọtụtụ mmetụta uche nwere ike na-enweta n'otu oge, ha nwere ike na-emegiderịta onwe ha, na nke a abụghị ihe mere anyị na-enwe obi abụọ echiche ahụ ike.
Akụkọ ifo nke valency nke mmetụta uche
Mmetụta mmetụta bụ nzaghachi nke psyche na mkpali mpụga na nke ime. N'ime onwe ha, ha adịghị mma ma ọ bụ ihe ọjọọ. Ha na-arụ naanị otu ọrụ dị mkpa maka nlanarị. N'ụwa nke oge a, anyị adịghị alụ ọgụ maka ndụ n'ụzọ nkịtị, anyị na-agbalịkwa ịchịkwa mmetụta ndị na-ekwesịghị ekwesị. Ma ụfọdụ na-aga n'ihu, na-agbalị ịwepụ kpamkpam na ndụ nke na-eweta mmetụta na-adịghị mma.
Site n'imebi mmetụta uche n'ime ihe na-adịghị mma na nke ziri ezi, anyị na-ekewapụta mmeghachi omume anyị site na gburugburu ebe ha pụtara. Ọ baghị uru ihe mere anyị ji ewe iwe, ihe dị mkpa bụ na ọ pụtara na anyị ga-esi ísì ụtọ na nri abalị.
Na-agbalị imikpu mmetụta uche, anyị adịghị tufuo ha. Anyị na-azụ onwe anyị ka anyị ghara ige ntị n'echiche
Na gburugburu azụmahịa, ngosipụta nke mmetụta ndị metụtara ihe ịga nke ọma na-eji kpọrọ ihe karịsịa: mkpali, obi ike, ịdị jụụ. N'ụzọ megidere nke ahụ, mwute, nchegbu na egwu na-ewere dị ka ihe ịrịba ama nke onye na-efunahụ.
Ụzọ oji na-acha ọcha na mmetụta uche na-egosi na ọ dị mkpa ka a lụso ndị "na-adịghị mma" ọgụ (site n'ịkwụsị ha ma ọ bụ, n'ụzọ ọzọ, ikwe ka ha wụsa), na ndị "dị mma" kwesịrị ịzụlite n'onwe ya ma ọ bụ, na nke kachasị njọ. egosipụtara. Ma n'ihi nke a, nke a bụ ihe na-eduga n'ọfịs nke onye ọkà n'akparamàgwà mmadụ: anyị enweghị ike ịnagide ibu arọ nke ahụmahụ ndị a na-akpaghasị ma ghara ịchọta ihe anyị na-eche n'ezie.
Ụzọ ọmịiko
Nkwenye na mmetụta ọjọọ na ezi mmetụta na-eme ka ọ sie ike ịghọta uru ha bara. Dịka ọmụmaatụ, egwu ahụike na-eme ka anyị ghara itinye ihe ize ndụ na-enweghị isi. Nchegbu gbasara ahụike nwere ike ịkpali gị ịhapụ nri ratụ ratụ na igwu egwuregwu. Iwe na-enyere gị aka ịkwado ikike gị, ihere na-enyekwara gị aka ịchịkwa omume gị ma jikọta ọchịchọ gị na ọchịchọ nke ndị ọzọ.
Trying to evoke emotions in ourselves for no reason, we violate their natural regulation. For example, a girl is going to get married, but she doubts that she loves her chosen one and will love him in the future. However, she persuades herself: “He carries me in his arms. I should be happy. All this is nonsense.» Trying to drown out emotions, we do not get rid of them. We train ourselves not to listen to intuition and not to try to act in accordance with it.
Ụzọ mmetụta ọmịiko pụtara na anyị na-anabata mmetụta ma gbalịa ịghọta ihe gbara ya gburugburu. Ọ na-emetụta ọnọdụ ị nọ ugbu a? Ọ nwere ihe kpasuru gị iwe, kpasuo gị iwe, ma ọ bụ tụọ gị ụjọ? Gịnị mere obi ji dị gị otú a? Ọ dị gị ka ihe ị nwetagoro? Site n'ịjụ onwe anyị ajụjụ, anyị nwere ike nweta nghọta miri emi nke isi ahụmahụ ma mee ka ha rụọ ọrụ maka anyị.
Banyere Ọkachamara: Carla McLaren bụ onye nyocha mmekọrịta mmadụ na ibe ya, onye okike nke tiori nke Dynamic Emotional Integration, na onye edemede nke Art of Empathy: Otu esi eji nka ndụ kachasị mkpa.