«If a child does not help around the house, he will never grow up»

Parents aim their children at study and developmental activities, at mastering intellectual skills. And for the sake of this, they are released from all household duties — “let him study, make a career, and the rest will follow.” But it is regular participation in the routine affairs of the family that allows the child to grow up.

A child who does housework is more likely to succeed in life, says Dr. Marilyn Rossman. Moreover, for the most successful people, household duties appear at the age of three or four. And those who started doing something around the house only in their teens are less successful.

Even if it is not necessary for the child to mop the floors or cook breakfast, he still needs to do something around the house, know how to do it, and receive parental approval for his contribution. This forms the right approach to work, which is useful in the workplace and in social life.

Basic practical skills

Here are the main skills and life skills that Julia Lithcott-Hames cites with reference to the authoritative educational portal Family Education Network.

By the age of three, a child should:

— help clean up toys

— independently dress and undress (with some help from an adult);

— help set the table;

— brush your teeth and wash your face with the help of an adult.

By age five:

— perform simple cleaning tasks, such as dusting accessible places and clearing the table;

— feed pets;

— brush your teeth, comb your hair and wash your face without assistance;

— help with washing clothes, for example, bring them to the washing place.

By age seven:

— help to cook (stir, shake and cut with a blunt knife);

— prepare simple meals, for example, make sandwiches;

— Help clean up food

— wash the dishes;

— safe use of simple cleaning products;

— tidy up the toilet after use;

— make the bed without assistance.

By age nine:

— fold clothes

— learn simple sewing techniques;

— take care of a bicycle or roller skates;

— use a broom and a dustpan correctly;

— be able to read recipes and cook simple meals;

— help with simple gardening tasks, such as watering and weeding;

— taking out the trash.

Mgbe ọ dị afọ 13:

— go to the store and make purchases on your own;

— change sheets

— use the dishwasher and dryer;

— fry and bake in the oven;

— iron;

— mow the lawn and clean the yard;

— Look after younger brothers and sisters.

Mgbe ọ dị afọ 18:

— to master all of the above very well;

— do more complex cleaning and maintenance work, such as changing the bag in the vacuum cleaner, cleaning the oven and cleaning the drain;

— prepare food and prepare complex dishes.

Perhaps, after reading this list, you will be horrified. There are so many responsibilities in it that we perform ourselves, instead of delegating them to children. Firstly, it is more convenient for us: we will do it faster and better, and secondly, we like to help them and feel knowledgeable, omnipotent.

But the sooner we begin to teach children to work, the less likely they are to hear from them in adolescence: “Why are you demanding this from me? If these are important things, why didn’t I do this before?”

Remember the long-tried and scientifically proven strategy for developing skills in children:

— first we do for the child;

— then do with him;

— then watch how he does it;

— finally, the child does it completely independently.

Six rules of labor education

It is never too late to rebuild, and if you have not accustomed your child to work, then start doing it right now. Julia Lythcott-Hames offers six rules of conduct for parents.

1. Tọọ ihe atụ

Do not send your child to work when you yourself are lying on the couch. All family members, regardless of age, gender and status, should be involved in the work and help. Let the children see how you work. Ask them to join. If you are going to do something in the kitchen, in the yard or in the garage — call the child: «I need your help.»

2. Expect help from your child

The parent is not the personal assistant of the student, but the first teacher. Sometimes we care too much about the pleasure of the child. But we must prepare children for adulthood, where all these skills will be very useful to them. The child may not be thrilled about the new load — no doubt he would prefer to bury himself on the phone or sit with friends, but doing your assignments will give him a sense of his own need and worth.

3. Don’t apologize or go into unnecessary explanations

A parent has the right and duty to ask his child for help with household chores. You don’t need to endlessly explain why you are asking for this, and assure that you know how he doesn’t like it, but you still need to do it, emphasize that you are uncomfortable asking him. Excessive explanations will make you look like you’re making excuses. It only undermines your credibility. Just give your child a task that he can handle. He may grumble a little, but in the future he will be grateful to you.

4. Give clear, direct directions

If the task is new, break it down into simple steps. Say exactly what to do, and then step aside. You don’t have to hover over it. Just make sure you complete the task. Let him try, fail and try again. Ask: «Tell me when it’s ready, and I’ll come and see.» Then, if the case is not dangerous and supervision is not required, leave.

5. Give thanks with restraint

When children do the simplest things — take out the trash, clean up after themselves from the table, feed the dog — we tend to over-praise them: “Great! What a clever you are! A simple, friendly, confident “thank you” or “you did well” is enough. Save big praises for moments when the child really achieved something unusual, surpassed himself.

Even if the work is done well, you can tell the child what can be improved: so someday it will be at work. Some advice can be given: «If you hold the bucket like this, garbage will not fall out of it.» Or: “See the stripe on your gray shirt? It’s because you washed it with new jeans. It is better to wash the jeans separately the first time, otherwise they will stain other things.

After that, smile — you are not angry, but teach — and go back to your business. If your child is getting used to helping around the house and doing things on his own, show him what you see and appreciate what he does.

6. Mepụta usoro

If you decide that some things need to be done daily, others weekly, and others every season, children will get used to the fact that in life there is always something to do.

If you tell a child, “Listen, I love that you get down to business and help,” and help him do something difficult, over time he will begin to help others.