They may make incredible efforts to lose weight, but do not achieve results. The “wall of fat”, like a shell, protects them from the psychic trauma experienced once. Clinical psychologist Yulia Lapina talks about victims of violence — girls and women who cannot be helped by ordinary diets.
Lisa (name changed) gained 15 kilograms at the age of eight. Her mother scolded her for eating too much pasta in the school cafeteria. And she was afraid to tell her mother that her uncle constantly pestered her.
Tatyana was raped at the age of seven. She overate, and before each meeting with her boyfriend, she made herself vomit. She explained it this way: when she had sexual impulses, she felt dirty, guilty and experienced a fit of anxiety. Food and the subsequent «cleansing» helped her cope with this condition.
LOST CONNECTION
A woman chooses this method of protection unconsciously: the gained weight becomes for her protection from a traumatic situation. As a result, through the unconscious mechanisms of the psyche, an increase in appetite occurs, which leads to overeating and weight gain. In a sense, obesity also protects such a woman from her own sexuality, because active sexual behavior in overweight women is socially frowned upon — as well as in women over fifty.
The link between sexual abuse and eating disorders has been discussed for a long time. It is based primarily on emotions: guilt, shame, self-flagellation, rage at oneself — as well as attempts to muffle feelings with the help of external objects (food, alcohol, drugs).
Victims of violence use food to cope with feelings that have nothing to do with hunger
Sexual abuse can affect the eating behavior and body image of the victim in different ways. At the moment of violence over the body, control over it no longer belongs to her. The boundaries are grossly violated, and connection with bodily sensations, including hunger, fatigue, sexuality, can be lost. A person ceases to be guided by them simply because he ceases to hear them.
Victims of abuse use food to cope with feelings that have nothing to do with hunger. Feelings with which the direct connection is lost can come to consciousness with some incomprehensible, vague impulse “I want something”, and this can lead to overeating, when the answer to a hundred troubles is food.
FEAR OF BECOMING A DEFECTIVE CHILD
By the way, victims of sexual violence can be not only fat, but also very thin — bodily sexual attractiveness can be suppressed in different ways. Some of these women compulsively diet, fast, or vomit to make their bodies «perfect.» In their case, we are talking about the fact that the «ideal» body has more power, invulnerability, control over the situation. It seems that in this way they will be able to protect themselves from the already experienced feeling of helplessness.
When it comes to childhood abuse (not necessarily sexual abuse), overweight men and women subconsciously fear losing weight because it makes them feel smaller, as if they were helpless children again. When the body becomes “small”, all those painful feelings that they never learned to cope with can surface.
ONLY THE FACTS
Scientists from the Boston University School of Medicine and Epidemiology Center, led by René Boynton-Jarret, conducted a large-scale study of women’s health from 1995 to 2005. They analyzed data from more than 33 women who had experienced childhood sexual abuse and found that they had a 30% higher risk of becoming obese than those who were fortunate enough to avoid it. And this study is not isolated — there are many other works devoted to this topic.
Some researchers link the problem of excess weight with other types of violence: physical (beating) and mental trauma (deprivation). In one study, binge eaters were asked to select a few items from a list of trauma experiences. 59% of them talked about emotional abuse, 36% — about physical, 30% — about sexual, 69% — about emotional rejection from their parents, 39% — about physical rejection.
This problem is more than serious. One in four children and one in three women experience some form of violence.
All researchers note that this is not about a direct connection, but only about one of the risk factors, but it is among overweight people that the largest number of those who experienced violence in childhood are observed.
This problem is more than serious. According to the 2014 Global Status Report on Violence Prevention, prepared by the World Health Organization and the United Nations based on data from 160 experts around the world, one in four children and one in three women experience some form of violence.
WHAT CAN BE DONE?
Regardless of whether your extra weight is «armor» or the result of emotional overeating (or both), you can try the following.
Ọgwụ. Direct work with trauma in the office of a psychotherapist is one of the most effective ways. An experienced therapist can be the person to share and heal your old pain.
Search for support groups. Working with trauma in a group of people who have experienced it is a huge resource for healing. When we are in a group, our brains can “rewrite” reactions, since a person is primarily a social being. We study in a group, we find support in it and understand that we are not alone.
Work to overcome emotional overeating. Working with trauma, in parallel, you can master the methods of working with emotional overeating. For this, mindfulness therapy, yoga and meditation are suitable — methods related to the skills of understanding your emotions and their connection with overeating.
It is important to remember that our feelings are a tunnel: in order to reach the light, it must be passed through to the end, and this requires a resource.
Finding a solution. Many trauma survivors tend to get into destructive relationships that only make matters worse. A classic example is an alcoholic man and a woman with overweight problems. In this case, it is necessary to acquire the skills of experiencing the wounds of the past, establishing personal boundaries, learning to take care of yourself and your emotional state.
Emotion diaries. It is important to learn how to express your emotions in a healthy way. Relaxation techniques, seeking support, breathing exercises can help with this. You need to develop the skill of recognizing your own feelings, keeping a diary of emotions and analyzing your behavior caused by them.
Simple strategies. Reading, talking to a friend, going for a walk — make a list of things that help you and keep it with you so that you have ready solutions in a difficult moment. Of course, there can be no “quick remedy”, but finding what helps can significantly improve conditions.
It is important to remember that our feelings are a tunnel: in order to get to the light, you need to go through it to the end, and for this you need a resource — to go through this darkness and experience negative emotions for some time. Sooner or later, this tunnel will end, and liberation will come — both from pain and from a painful connection with food.