“Onye bụbu di na-enye ụmụaka ihe iri ngo. Ihe a ga-eme?"

«Man-holiday» and «man-everyday»

Yulia Zakharova, ọkà n'akparamàgwà mmadụ:

Once, from a divorced man, I heard the words: “my former children.” It is sad, but, unfortunately, the imperfection of the legislation still allows men to consider their children «former»: not to participate in education, not to help financially.

Svetlana, enwere m ọmịiko n'ahụ gị: ọ bụ ihe nwute na di gị so na ndị nna na-enweghị ọrụ. Ọ bụ ihe na-ezighi ezi na ihe isi ike niile nke ịzụ ụmụ dabere naanị gị. Enwere m ụmụ nwoke abụọ, amakwaara m onwe m na ịzụ ụmụ siri ike. Ọ na-ewe oge dị ukwuu, na-achọ mgbalị na ego. Enwere m mmasị n'ịdị ike gị.

You ask, «How can I compete with his money?» It is difficult for me to answer your question: it is not clear how, from your point of view, the victory of a person over money looks like, what it consists of. I will assume that you are more likely to compete with your husband, and not with his money. And, again, I want to ask you: what is the gain? When it comes to children, the payoff usually lies in raising them healthy: physically, mentally, morally. Husband’s money spent on holidays does not create obstacles for you here.

I understand your resentment. The husband chose the role of “holiday person”, and you got the role of “everyday person”. It is difficult for you to compete with him — everyone loves holidays. I imagine how delighted your children are from his visits. Surely they often recall these events, and every time it is painful and unpleasant for you to hear about them. You want your daily motherhood to be fairly valued.

Nzụlite, ọrịa nwata, mmachibido iwu, mmefu ego, enweghị oge efu na-adaba na òkè gị. Mana kedu ka isi kọwaara ụmụaka ihe a? Ị naghị agwa nwata dị afọ atọ na nne na-etinye ego n'ụzọ na-adịghị mma karịa nna. Ma ọ dị mkpa?

Children think in simple categories: does not allow to indulge — angry, brought gifts — kind. While children are small, it is difficult for them to understand what mother’s love and real care are. For them, it is as natural as air. Understanding the maternal feat comes later, usually when they themselves become parents. Someday, time will put everything in its place.

Gaa n'ihu na-akparịta ụka

Echere m na ị gbalịrị ịkọwa di gị na ị chọghị omume otu oge, mana enyemaka na nkwado mgbe niile, gụnyere ego. Echere m na ruo mgbe ọ ga-ezute gị na ọkara ma n'ihi ihe ụfọdụ ị nweghị ohere iji dozie okwu ndị a n'ụzọ iwu. Ọ na-eme na ụmụ nwanyị n'ihi enweghị olileanya na-anwa ịta ndị di ha bụbu ahụhụ ma gbochie ha ịhụ ụmụ ha. Obi dị m ụtọ na ị họrọghị ụzọ a! Echere m na nke ahụ bụ isi n'ihi nchegbu maka ụmụaka.

Ọ dị mma na n'ihe gbasara ezumike, ọ bụrụhaala na ị na-aga n'ihu na-atụle uru maka ụmụaka. Ọ dị mkpa ka ụmụaka mara na ha nwere ọ bụghị naanị nne, kamakwa nna, ọ bụrụgodị na "onye ezumike" nke na-abịa ọtụtụ ugboro n'afọ. Ha na-ahụ ya, na-anabata onyinye na ezumike maka ịhụnanya ma na-aṅụrị ọṅụ. Ọ ka mma karịa ihe ọ bụla.

Yes, of all the hardships and worries, he chose the simplest and most rewarding thing — to arrange holidays for children. You have an idea: offer your husband to spend less on holidays. Why do you want to control his expenses? Maybe you hope that then he will give you the difference in current expenses? Perhaps he will not justify your hopes and will generally stop arranging holidays, and even appearing in your life. Then you will punish not him, but your children. Is this what you want?

Ọṅụ ụmụaka dị mkpa karịa mkparị

It’s not easy, but try to thank your husband for these infrequent holidays. Maybe this will be an incentive for him to arrange them more often. Children are happy, they communicate with their father — and this is more important than resentment. It would be good for children if he appeared, albeit not so spectacularly, but more regularly and more often. This would give you time to rest. Try to talk about this with your ex-husband, perhaps he will listen to your request.

Your husband refuses not only the worries and financial expenses, but also the joy of being a parent. Every day to see how kids grow, change, come up with new words, how funny stories happen to them — this cannot be bought for any money.

Ọ bụ ihe nwute na ọrụ ị na-arụ kwa ụbọchị nke ị na-ebu naanị gị mgbe ụfọdụ na-ekpuchi ọṅụ nke ịbụ nne. Mana ọ ka dị ebe ahụ, nri?