The editors of the Psychologos distance themselves from the position of the author of this article: the relationship between an eccentric woman and a helpless man, described in the article, is only a fragment of life. In good couples, there are no dramas and tragedies around PMS. Nevertheless, it is useful for men to read this article and think about it.
The main mistake that men make when PMS rolled over a woman is hiding in dugouts and trenches, sitting in dachas, and also pulling their heads into their shoulders. What will happen to you: you will be taken out. From any place and state. The extraction procedure will be unpleasant. The main sensations: it will seem to you that they are sawing your retracted head, and then blowing up the unfinished one. What does a woman feel at the same time: rage, loneliness, jealousy, resentment, and I really want a Kalashnikov in my hands. And, sobbing, shoot you for being such a bastard.
What to do right in the early stages. Write down the text of SMS on a piece of paper if you managed to be out of reach. Write: “You are my girl. The only (!). As soon as dad and I fix the car (as soon as Kolya and I move the closet), I will immediately be near you. What will you bring?» If they send you (“Skotina, I don’t need anything from you!”) in response to this, then the initial stage has already passed and you are at the epicenter.
What to do right at the epicenter: nothing will help you. Wait until she starts to sob and send the above SMS again. Just add: «I have a surprise for you.» Chocolate should be a surprise. Do not give perfume as a gift — during this period, the perception of smell changes and, in general, the head hurts from smells.
If you’re within reach, just listen to her. Here, just stand somewhere behind the door frame so that it doesn’t fly into your head, and listen to her. Don’t raise your eyebrows, don’t chuckle, don’t say «what nonsense» — the degree of the storm will soar by an order of magnitude. In general, it is better to hide your face and be silent. Then get out of there and try to get close enough to her to hug her. Rock it. Ride to sleep. Whisper sweetly. If you’re scared and can’t do it, you’ll have to endure PMS for a few more hours. Be a brave man. Cowards next to a woman have nothing to do.
What to do super right. But it is very difficult (PMS is generally for the brave). Just be with her.
What you can not do and say in no case: do not mention any female names and in general the female gender. Dad, Kolya, brother, nephew — good. God forbid you say «colleague».
You can’t say “I don’t want”, “I can’t”, “I won’t” and “I don’t understand”. If you don’t believe me, try it and see what happens.
You can not talk at the initial stage about your feelings. Forget about them. In response to «I love you» you can get «I do not believe.» “Forgive me” will mean that you have something to forgive and you are aware of this. The best thing I’ve been told recently was «I’ll do anything.» Talk about next steps. Even if you have already fled in horror to Zimbabwe. «I’ll hug you soon.» «I’ll buy whatever you want, let’s make a list together.» «I’ll cook dinner now, and you take a bath.»
Never tell a PMS woman that she has PMS. “Sunny, you have PMS, drink some drops” — “Drink your damn drops yourself!”
Don’t joke and don’t joke. In general, save you from trying to reduce everything to a joke! Women in PMS have NO sense of humor! She has: tragedy, no one loves her, she is to blame for everyone, she is terrible, the most terrible in the world, you left her, even if you are holding her leg at that time. Life didn’t work out. In case you’re wondering, PMS is sometimes accompanied by curious sensations that make a woman go wild.
For example, for me personally, time slows down. It’s been a week for you, but for me it’s a month. Cars do not move at traffic lights. Everyone is doing everything very slowly. Pauses between words hang for years. Everything starts to get in the way physically. I kept banging my hip against the corner of the table, hissing, but enduring. During PMS, I took my husband’s saw and sawed off the corner in a swoop. Horror, right? Some people eat buckets of ice cream or spend huge sums on shopping, but not me. Comforts.
If a woman is full of temperament, her PMS will also be temperamental. Well, it still hurts. I want sweet, salty and meat with blood. Make sure that the meat with blood is not yours.
Let’s go further. There are two correct means by which to complete every PMS: chocolate and sex.
Buy chocolate. Show her from a distance. Approach at arm’s length. Feed the woman. While she is eating, you have two options: start gently stroking her in places you know. If she hisses and kicks, and your chocolate flies into a corner, you are left with the last option:
break it down and fuck it.
You will need to endure a little resistance and angry screams, but when you defeat her on all fronts, she will eat your chocolate bar and cling to you. You are guaranteed a calm, quiet week.
What happens if you choose to run away, argue (only inexperienced youths do this), get annoyed (you have no chance at all here), or play a joke on her, or — horror — resort to logic. Do you know what will happen? There will be a next PMS. And you will be remembered there. You will either have to run away all the time with your hair standing on end in all places, or already live as an anchorite, also to me, Onegin. You will achieve that a woman will love and respect her cat more than you.
What you absolutely need to survive PMS: PATIENCE. Kiloton.
What you need to know: PMS lasts about a week. The apogee can come on the very last day, and before that, the woman is simply naughty and whimpering.