ọdịnaya
Why, when you finally decide to break off the relationship that has exhausted you, does your partner, as luck would have it, become active and begin to loom before your eyes? Either he will remind you of himself with a call or a gift, or he will simply come and spin in a passionate embrace? How to leave if he won’t let go?
Anyị niile chọrọ ibi n'otu n'otu na obi ụtọ, ma, ọ dị mwute ikwu, nke a abụghị mgbe niile. Ụfọdụ ụmụ nwanyị na-ata ahụhụ nke ukwuu na mmekọrịta. N'ịgbalị ịlaghachi ịhụnanya, ha na-anwa ụzọ dị iche iche, ma ozugbo ha na-ekupụ ume na ahụ efe na ihe niile emezuola, idyll ahụ daa n'otu ntabi anya. Ha na-adị ndụ site na asịrị na asịrị. Mgbe ụfọdụ esemokwu nwere ike iso iti ihe.
One day they decide that it can’t go on like this, but breaking off relations, it turns out, is not so easy.
“I would leave, but he won’t let me go,” they explain. In fact, the reason is that such women are not ready to take responsibility for their lives, and it is beneficial for them to remain emotionally dependent on a partner. Let’s see why this happens and what to do about it.
Isi nsogbu
Mmekọrịta nke ndị mmekọ "enweghị ike ibi ndụ n'enweghị onye ọ bụla" gbanyere mkpọrọgwụ na nwata. Ụmụaka ọ bụghị nanị na-eṅomi ụdị nke mmekọrịta nne na nna, ma ha onwe ha na-etolite na gburugburu ebe ha hụrụ n'anya ma ọ bụ na-achọ imezi, kwanyere ùgwù ma ọ bụ na-egbochi onye ọ bụla ọzọ ọchịchọ, ebe ha nwere obi ike ma ọ bụ obi abụọ ike nke onye ọ bụla òtù ezinụlọ.
If relationships in childhood were far from healthy, children grow up to be underformed adults looking for a «soul mate» in order to fill in the gaps in themselves. For example, if parents imposed their desires, they hardly understand what they want, they are looking for someone who will take care of them, and in fact they give responsibility for their lives to another person.
N'ihi ya, ọ bụrụgodị na mmekọrịta na-akpata nhụjuanya na-enweghị ike idi, ọ dị ka ọ gaghị ekwe omume ikpebi nkewa. Na nkà mmụta uche, a na-akpọ mmekọrịta dị otú ahụ na-adabere na ya, ya bụ, ndị mmekọ na-adabere na ibe ha.
Gịnị mere o ji esi ike ikpebi ịpụ?
1. Lack of understanding that another, happy life is possible
It seems that the current life is the norm, because there was simply no other experience before my eyes. The fear of the unknown is incredibly strong — or you just don’t want to “change the awl for soap”.
2. Anxiety that things will get worse after a breakup
Now we live at the very least, and what will happen next is unclear.
3. Egwu ịnọ naanị ya
«No one will love you like he does, or no one will love in principle.» There is no experience of a happy life with oneself, so the fear of leaving a relationship is tantamount to the fear of dying.
4. Need for protection
It is terrible not to cope with a new life — with providing for yourself and your children, if any. I want to be protected by someone big and strong.
Ndepụta egwu adịghị agwụ agwụ, ha ga-emerikwa na ha agaghị ahapụ ya ruo mgbe nwanyị ahụ ghọtara isi ihe kpatara ya. Ọ mejupụtara n'eziokwu na ndị mmekọ abụọ ahụ nwere ụfọdụ uru amaghị ama nke ịnọ na mmekọrịta na-egbu mgbu. Ma ya na ya.
Ihe atụ nke mmụọ nke mmekọrịta dabere na nke ọma bụ nke Karpman triangle kọwara nke ọma
Its essence is that each partner appears in one of the three roles: Rescuer, Victim or Persecutor. The victim constantly suffers, complains that life is unfair, but is in no hurry to correct the situation, but waits for the Rescuer to come to the rescue, sympathize with her and protect her. The Rescuer comes, but sooner or later, due to fatigue and the inability to move the Victim, he gets tired and turns into a Persecutor, punishing the Victim for helplessness.
Triangle a kwụsiri ike ma na-adịte aka ma ọ bụrụhaala na ndị sonyere nwere uru nke abụọ iji nọrọ na ya.
Uru nke abụọ nke ịnọ na mmekọrịta
Onye nnapụta na-enweta ntụkwasị obi na mkpa nke onye ihe metụtara: ọ na-ahụ na ọ gaghị aga ebe ọ bụla n'ebe ọ nọ.
Onye a tara ahụhụ nwere ike ịdị ike, na-eme mkpesa banyere ndị ọzọ wee si otú ahụ nweta nchebe nke Onye Nnapụta.
Onye mkpagbu, na-eweda onye ahụ a kpagburu iwe iwe, na-enwe mmetụta siri ike ma nwee ike ikwupụta onwe ya na mmefu ya.
Ya mere, iji nweta uru, onye ọ bụla n'ime triangle chọrọ nke ọzọ. Mgbe ụfọdụ, mmekọrịta dị otú ahụ na-adịru ogologo ndụ, na ndị sonyere na triangle nwere ike ịgbanwe ọrụ oge ụfọdụ.
Kedu ka esi esi na mmekọrịta dị otú ahụ pụta?
Ọ ga-ekwe omume imebi usoro a naanị mgbe ịmara ihe na-eme ma gbanwee site na onye na-adabere na onye ọzọ ghọọ onye nweere onwe ya, onye nwere ọrụ.
N'otu oge, mụ onwe m dabara na ọnyà nke codependency wee gaa ogologo ụzọ tupu ịhapụ mmekọrịta na-egbu mgbu ma wulite nke ọma. Iweghachite nwere ike ime n'ụzọ dị iche iche, ma isi nkebi yiri ya. M ga-eji ihe atụ m kọwaa ha.
1. Understand the secondary benefits of the current union
The fact that you are in a co-dependent relationship indicates that you are missing something. Now you meet these needs at the expense of a partner, but in fact you can do it without him, although you don’t know how yet.
2. Realize what price you get love.
In my case, it was constantly frustrated plans, persistent anxiety, poor health, lack of rest, depression, and ultimately the loss of myself as a woman. Understanding this gave me the opportunity to see what I had turned my life into, to feel my “bottom” and push off from it.
3. Learn to meet your needs to help yourself
And for this it is important to hear them, to become a good parent to yourself, to learn to ask for help and accept it. This can be done, for example, by gaining new experience of healthy relationships in the psychologist’s office and gradually integrating it into your life.
4. Mara onwe gị
Yes, this may surprise you, but by focusing on something else, we go far away from ourselves, we cannot distinguish our desires from what our partner wants. And how can we help ourselves if we do not understand who we are? One of the best ways to find out is by dating yourself. How do they happen?
You need to prepare, appoint a time and place, as when meeting with a lover. Think about where you would like to go: to the cinema, for a walk, to a restaurant. It is important that these are not gatherings with friends, an evening in front of the phone screen, but a full-fledged living and being included in a date with yourself.
At first, the idea itself may seem wild, but over time, this practice allows you to get to know your wants and needs better, indulge yourself and, getting to know yourself, reduce the fear of loneliness.
5. Recognize that each partner is responsible for themselves and their lives
And stop thinking that we can change the life of another. To do this, it is at least important to accept that it is up to you whether you can satisfy your needs or not. As mentioned earlier, it is important to learn to ask for help and accept it, and also not to perceive refusals to help as a tragedy. It’s important to be able to say «no» when you don’t want something.
Surprisingly, when we walk this path, fears begin to recede and strength gradually appears.
This does not mean that it will not hurt and your life will immediately sparkle with all colors. It takes time to let go of a once so meaningful relationship. But you will return your life to yourself and the desires previously locked in a dungeon will be released.
Mgbe ha hapụsịrị mmekọrịta na-egbu mgbu, ndị ahịa m na-amalitekarị azụmahịa ha na-arọ nrọ ruo ogologo oge, na-enwekwu ahụ iru ala na obi ike, malite ịnụ ụtọ ndụ, na-eku ume miri emi ma na-eju anya na ha nwere ike ịdị mma na onwe ha.
Mụ onwe m, ịnọ na mmekọrịta na-egbu mgbu, echeghịdị ohere ndị ndụ nwere ike inye. Ugbu a, m na-ede akwụkwọ, na-agba ọsọ otu m na-adabere na ya, na-ewulite mmekọrịta dị mma na di m, na-ahapụ ọrụ m iji bie ndụ nke m. Ọ na-apụta na ihe niile ga-ekwe omume. Naanị ịchọrọ ịnyere onwe gị aka ma kwụsị inwe olileanya na onye ọzọ ga-emere gị ya.