Ntụkwasị obi na ya: obere okwu 10 nke "na-egbu"! (agaghị ekwu)

“A big boy, don’t cry! (it’s not afraid of a storm …) “

Decryption: A way of reaching the child in his construction, his value, which can shake the foundations of his identity and therefore, in a biased way, the confidence he is developing. It is also telling him that he is too big to have emotions. This leads him to padlock them instead of expressing them. Instead, listen to him and say “I understand that you were afraid …” 

Say instead:   ” You got hurt. We will look at this together. ” 

“Be careful, you will fall! “

Decryption: We hear it in a loop in the square! And yet, there, we directly question the capacities of the child, his resources. We look at him with a lack of confidence in him. And the little one feels it. Instead, to give him a positive outlook and say “take care of yourself”, we can opt for “You saw the stairs are high. Help yourself by putting your hand there, your foot there… ”You then accompany his actions by voice with a benevolent message of confidence and advice. 

Kwuo kama  : “You can take my hand to go up this step.”

“Look at your sister, she’s doing it well! (… To walk, to draw a cat, to read…) ”

Decryption: This comparison on a negative level suggests that the goal is to be like the other, as well as the other. However, a child is unique. If, for example, even a toddler, he really doesn’t like reading, we can encourage him by saying “OK, I know reading is really not your thing, but later on, we will. make a small reading page together. So you have warned him and can share this moment with him.

Kwuo kama  :  “In a little while, we will be able to read together!”

” Are you dumb or what ? “

Decryption: The sentence bursts out when he does not understand quickly enough, drops something, or does not do exactly what was expected of him … It directly attacks the child’s appetite, his taste for learning and progress. If he does not have the right to make mistakes, as the sentence suggests, very quickly, he no longer wants to try so as not to take the risk of failure. Some toddlers even refuse to draw, work or answer a question from the teacher, sometimes even with school phobia. This creates an inhibition, which is not shyness, because he does not want to be hurt in his dignity. 

Kwuo kama :   “You don’t seem to have understood. “

We tell you 10 phrases not to say to a child!

“You eat like a pig! “

Decryption: This sentence expresses the idea that the parent does not want the child to go through the stage of “doing badly”. It must immediately be efficient. The fact that the child is “perfect”, holds himself well, speaks well… this is what shrinks call “narcissistic food” for the parent. Especially now where the academic and social pressure is very strong.

Kwuo kama :   “Take your time to bring your spoon close.” “

“Don’t just stand there like an idiot!” “

Decryption: With this sentence, the parent does not take into account the temporality of the child. Moms have to be “running moms”, with a big mental load, and a lot of things to do, very quickly. The adult can not then bear that the child does everything to put back the moment when he will have to separate from him to go to the nursery, to the school. To leave is to separate, and the child always feels a pang in his heart. It is up to the parents to take the time to separate. Saying for example: “I know you’re sad that we’re leaving each other this morning, but we’ll meet again tonight.” Also, children often observe things that adults don’t see or count. An ant, a moving tree branch … You might as well say: “You saw the ant, tonight, we’ll look at it, but we have to go now.” Along the way, you will tell me what you saw ”. In fact, by observing his child, the adult will realize that he is hanging around simply because he is attentive, captivated.

Kwuo kama :   “You’re watching (or thinking about) something interesting!” “

“What do you look like, combed your hair, dressed or smeared like that?” “

Decryption: There, it is a question of the image of the child. If it’s said with humor, that’s fine. If it is a question of saying that he is not beautiful, that he is ridiculous, we directly affect his dignity, his value, his image. If he made stains on his T-shirt for example (and it’s normal for a child to get stained!), We’d rather say “I don’t want you to come out like that.” That you are well dressed when you go to school makes me happy ”.

Kwuo kama :   “I wish you were well dressed to go to nursery.” “

“Let me do it for you!” “

Decryption: This sentence reveals a problem of temporality. The adult must allow time for the experience of childhood. And to let the child do his experiments, the adult must know how to organize himself with his rhythm. Even if he’s in a hurry. Such a sentence also tells him that he does not have the capacity to do it on his own. If a friend tells him he’s bad when he’s little, it doesn’t have the same effect as if his parents tell him. Bigger, at the age when friends count a lot, it will collapse.

Kwuo kama :   “You can continue your construction tonight. “

“Stop crying, you’re naughty, you’re nasty!” “

Decryption: This means that the child has no place in the rhythm of the parents, that he does not adapt. As she cries, the little girl hears “You could just leave us alone” and the child feels like an annoyance. He sees that he is not welcome in his childhood manifestations, that he does not meet his parents’ expectations. Even though he is not yet speaking, he understands the negative side of his parents’ words. 

Kwuo kama :   “I understand that you are crying because you are tired …”

“You always say nonsense! “

Decryption: At the age of big questions (why? How do we make babies?), The toddler tells stories about what he thinks he understands about the world. It is far from being reasoned and reasonable, but on the contrary, very imaginary and surprising. It is important to let them slowly let go of their illusions and come to grips with reality. Of course, he does not express himself like an adult, but the child’s speech is not necessarily stupid. We can say to him: “Oh well, you think it’s like that … It’s not quite like that …”

Kwuo kama :   “What you say surprises me a lot …”