Adolescence: age limits, what to do

Before you start throwing stones at me, let me introduce myself. My name is Natalya, and I – no, not an alcoholic. I am the mother of a teenage girl. My beautiful Alexandra turned 16.

Wonderful age, isn’t it? Romance, prosperity, youth – everything that we have left in the past is often covered with a romantic flair. But parents who are still toddlers think with horror that their babies will someday become adolescents.

“These are hormonal wars, whims, riots – look how today’s youth behave. How will he get a tattoo? Or a tunnel in the ear? Or maybe he will start smoking, drinking, early sex, abortions … ”There are plenty of reasons to cheat yourself. But is it worth it?

All these riots and protests that modern parents are so afraid of (and ours and you were afraid too), they are just a desire to demonstrate their adulthood. Remember yourself – after all, we, too, once discovered for ourselves both vices and carnal joys. But all these experiments did not result in a storm of marginal passions, did they?

And to whom did we prove our steepness and adulthood? Peers – yes. But I believe that they were proving first of all because the parents, who until recently were idols for us and, in general, everything, everything, everything, us teenagers, did not consider themselves equal. But in vain. Of course, young people lack experience. Of course, their judgments are overly romantic and categorical. But intelligence at this age is already well developed, and you can’t argue with that. And if you managed to instill in the child the ability to make decisions on his own, then it would be all the more time to stop treating him like an unreasonable child.

Hard? No, it’s not difficult.

By the way, and to assert oneself in the circle of peers is now accepted not by experiments with appearance and youthful alcoholism (although they too), but by brains. Botanists are all the rage these days.

From reasoning to experience. For some reason, I was not afraid of the transitional age. Although she herself was that still a present – discos, boys, I tried smoking in the 9th grade, quit only 10 years ago. Under the influence of my daughter, by the way, for which many thanks to her.

“Ugh, what a vile smell,” my six-year-old fairy once twisted her nose. And that’s all. How cut off.

But Sasha – everything is fine with her. Do you understand? She studies, goes in for sports, is interested in writing software for Android. At the same time, she is not offended by the sympathies of the boys. The girl is pretty (I will note without false modesty). A lot of friends, including in our house.

Youthful experiments with appearance? Well, not without it. Sasha has five holes in his ears, and his hair is periodically dyed crazy colors. But I confess I don’t see anything wrong with that. She did the piercing with her own first earned money. I helped her to dye her hair – even if it is better with a tint shampoo than in a hairdresser for half her life. And I myself have four earrings in my ears … Not to mention a couple of tattoos that made my mother clutch at her heart.

Meanwhile, I am the most popular mom on the stream. Sasha’s friends like me on Facebook, and I chat with them in the comments.

A picture from an exhibition, and nothing more. Have you noticed that there is no dad in her? He is really absent in our life. We divorced 12 years ago, he has a different family, he rarely remembers his eldest daughter, frankly speaking. Perhaps thanks to this, too, Alexandra and I became best friends.

Here it is, the key. We are not just mother and daughter. We are friends. Of course, I can both growl and scandal. And apologize too. For a very long time I got used to perceiving my daughter as an independent creature, and not some kind of my appendage. Therefore, more often we just agree. And in general – we talk. We are discussing our boyfriends (yes, I have them, and Sasha knows about them). Her classmates and classmates. We even gossip about teachers. We go together to drink coffee or ride bicycles – you simply cannot imagine a better company. Well, and to ignore the opinion of a friend, especially when it comes to a matter of principle for him – would you do that? Me not.

And she also knows for sure: I am always on her side. And even if Sasha kills and eats someone, I will sincerely believe that she had no other choice. And I am firmly convinced that she will answer me with the same unconditional support.

Here, perhaps, it is worth making a reservation. I’m 35 years old. I gave birth to my daughter early, at 19. Perhaps that is why it is much easier for me to find a common language with her. After all, I still remember those feelings that whipped my thoughts into a wild soufflé of thousands of ingredients. Does this mean that a transitional age crisis is not a child’s crisis, but your own, which grew out of a generational gap? It is not excluded. It’s not the crisis itself, but how you perceive it.

Mothers often see the child as a project. And they mold this project from it by any means, with satanic tenacity. And the personality of the child himself falls out of the process. Maybe it’s not even age at all. And in How long you are ready to tell your child: “You are an adult. I love you and I believe in you. ” And sincerely believe it.