Psychology

The best sign that you’re in a good relationship is that you don’t tell the whole internet about it. Family therapists have named 10 outspoken acts that annoy friends on social media and can harm your union.

When others are watching you, life takes on additional urgency and significance. I would like to add more and more details and share them with a grateful viewer. Only now the viewer, sitting in the darkness of the hall, is not visible to us and sometimes we forget about him. As we forget about where the boundaries lie between intimate, our personal happiness and what any stranger from those who have a laptop or smartphone learns about us and our partner.

1. Touching posts about a partner

We are all familiar with such a couple: like two birds that have built a nest for themselves and drag into it either a blade of grass or a rope, so they lovingly decorate their pages with hearts and poems. These are those who need to post a photo on Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) at the beginning of the day with the caption “I love you. I’m waiting». All friends in the heat of morning affairs will receive your news, go to your page and be touched. Perhaps some will still raise their eyes to the sky.

Psychotherapist Marcia Berger says that couples who report constantly about their lives, judging by her counseling experience, do not have very good relationships, but often continue to convince themselves and others of the opposite.

2. Photos published without permission

For example, a photo from yesterday’s party where your girlfriend makes «crazy» eyes. Heed the advice of psychologist Seth Meyers, who wrote the book How to Overcome Relationship Rehearsal Syndrome and Find Love. Immediately ask your partner at the beginning of the relationship how he feels about you posting his photos on your page.

Perhaps the man has already managed to create a harsh image on his page — racing, hiking, nothing more. And then you post him with a cat in your arms … Or his photo of the “king of the wine and vodka kingdom” pops up inopportunely when applying for a job.

3. Jokes about his economic exploits and failures

His first vegetable soup or frightened eyes at the sight of a chicken carcass. For friends and for you, these are unforgettable memories. But do not forget that not only your friends love social networks.

If you don’t set a view limit, you never know how many users will read a post, says Aaron Anderson, a family therapist at a clinic in Denver. Photos with a carrot in his hand and the caption “The project is sent for revision” or your boastful “In our house, women do not wash dishes” are available to his colleagues and business partners, and to complete strangers.

4. Live reporting from the scene

He made a mistake yesterday. In the morning you left a message on his wall telling everyone where he spent the night. You have intuition, deductive abilities, and you have drawn unambiguous logical conclusions.

Brenda Della Casa, a relationship expert, reminds you of two things: first, your emotions are running high right now, and in this state it is better not to leave rash written messages. Second, don’t forget that you are essentially making a public statement right now. Still getting better, just wait.

5. Posts about the personal qualities of a partner

As well as photo essays from the store where you bought him new pajamas and silk underwear for the bedroom.

6. Comments on his correspondence with the former

Yes, this is the reality — many people continue to communicate on social networks with the former, because they remain friends with them. Every day they learn news from their lives and sometimes enter into correspondence. You don’t have to like it. But it’s better to discuss such issues in person, says relationship expert Neely Steinberg. If you show up and leave your snarky comment, it’s bad for you, like any passive aggression that can’t find an outlet.

7. Details of quarrels and showdowns

Res is about quarrels, after which you immediately change the status to “suddenly single” or even remove him from friends. Family therapist Christine Wilke advises keeping such things behind closed bedroom doors and not rushing to make them common property. «Once you let the cat out of the bag, you can’t put it back in.»

8. Too Much Information

Sex comments are good for private messages. Your partner will be flattered by reading on his wall: «I’m burning with desire, come soon.» And his subordinates or your child’s coach will be puzzled …

9. Subtle hints that everyone understands

You read an interesting article on the Internet — say, about ten qualities of a terrible mother-in-law — and publish a link to it or send it to friends with the comment “This reminds me of someone …” Even if before that you prudently restricted access to your mother-in-law page, the information is all will eventually find distribution channels …

10. Reminder to buy milk

Social media is a great tool to bring together people who are interested in the same things, to instantly share important news, or to raise funds for help. And for a reminder of the purchase of milk, it is better to call. Leave yourself a personal space to communicate.

Nkume a-aza